Jeez, I don't even go here anymore...
Let's put it down to an end-of-year slump and be thick as thieves all over again, kay?
This photo is from around about this time last year. Tommy took me on a mini-break for my birthday (I probably, definitely blogged about it), and for a weekend and a bit the world was just as it should be. A universe of two. The best part was eating breakfast together in "our kitchen". I felt like a child playing a hyper-real version of adult-adult. Things like that weekend away kinda eat me up inside (in a good way).
Nostalgia is one helluva drug.
The reason being, growing up I never imagined being 20-something. Actually I didn't really imagine being any-something. I was too knotted to my everyday concerns, I didn't honestly see the bigger picture. Also, I feel like I'm between 12-16 years old on most days.
If you read this blog, you probably already know I'm very feels-y. In other words, I feel things, fucking too much I'd say. So doing things like a weekend away is pretty wild to me. Like, how amazing? I have a real boyfriend who does nice things?! Say what?! Insert an existential crisis, giggling and heady dose of impostor syndrome and you've got my average thought pattern.
A peephole into my mind:
Oh-my-fuuuck + I'm so happy/nervous/excited/scared/pissed and/or terrified + laughing at my own useless jokes + how old am I again? + I should totally just get a dvd and take up daytime drinking
Not being able to imagine myself at this stage has meant that my adult life has really been one big surprise after another. It is like a poorly planned surprise party everyday. Sometimes fun, sometimes exciting, sometimes the-worst-thing-ever.
Things I have learnt thus far (an incomplete list):
1. Haters don't hate everything.
They (I mean, me) just know that pretty much everything sucks majorly. BUT! The things in life that don't suck at all are so great, so delicious and beautiful that it makes up for the nonsense.
Things that don't suck: love, sushi and most fish-based meals, driving fast on the highway at night specifically on a Friday, getting better, friends of mind, doing work that blurs the line between playing and working, cold sheets in summer, making the world as small as just you and the page you're on in the book you're reading.
2. I can just do stuff.
When I was in school I used to think that life was a bit like a video game. My personal favourite was Crash Bandicoot. So, you had to break boxes, munch apples and climb levels to get what you want.
Fast-forward to today and I still kinda believe that for certain things but there's also this whole bunch of other things that don't require a regimented approach. Like life in general, for one. You can just do things, like, just nje. No permission required.
3. Literally no one cares about the things that you want more than you do.
And that's how it should be. Act accordingly.
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But hell, this is all just a roundabout way of saying that it's my birthday on Sunday!
Gift ideas for my generous internet friends:
1. Pug
2. Money
3. Mochachos vouchers
I've got a good feeling about this.
My future family portrait:
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